Don't get me wrong...

After spending some time with two friends yesterday who also happen to be awesome moms, I got to thinking about what I wrote yesterday, and I want to clarify. I am NOT saying that everyone who is blissfully happy being a mom is faking it. NOT AT ALL. A very good friend of mine is a wonderful mom, is madly in love with her son (and husband) and still manages to work full time, dabble in photography/graphic arts, and be a runner (all while pregnant with #2). I have never once heard her admit to being crazy/stressed/wanting to run away and join the circus (my personal favorite threat when I am losing my mind). And I truly believe that she isn't any of those things. J you rock!

Some people have the patience of saints and the the temperment to match. I am not one of those people. I was not "born to be a mom". My ovaries do not melt when I hold a newborn. That is not to say that I am a horrible mom and do not LOVE LOVE LOVE my children. My children are awesome. I heart them bigtime. I am just saying that maybe it is harder for me to be good at being a mom. Or at least to feel that I am good at it (see perfectionism in earlier post). This the "honest and imperfect" experiment is born. The whole point was to give MYSELF permission to be imperfect and be honest about both the joys and terrors of raising children. And you know what, it's working. The more I write the more free I feel. I am not a horrible person because I have selfish thoughts. Here is my laundry list of those. While we are being honest.

I wish

1. I could sleep past 8am (yes I know I have it good with my little zombie sleepers, but since I am wishing..heck I should have made it noon!)
2. I did not have more crumbs in my van than a cracker factory
3. I did not drive aforementioned van in the first place
4. I did not constantly repeat things like "because I said so", "quit hitting your brother", and "you'll put your eye out"
5. That my bar tab could exceed my babysitter bill, just once
6. That the night did not end before midnight because "We gotta get home, our 2 little alarm clocks at home don't have snooze buttons".
7. That Happy meal toys were never invented (but oh, such a necessary evil)
8. Ditto Diego/Dora (but at least I can let them watch it w/o too much guilt b/c hey, they ARE learning language skills. Muy bien)
9. I did not have to deal with boogers, poop and vomit on a regular basis
10. That kids came with a full set of teeth. Sure it would make nursing more painful, but I think I would take that over 2 years. of continuous. teething.

Now that I aired my (dirty) laundry list. I better balance the scale with 10 things that are great about my life.

I am so blessed that

1. I have 2 healthy boys
2. Who are reasonably well behaved, super smart and amazingly handsome (Thank you Daddy!)
3. They think I am a wonderful mom
4. They think a squishy tummy is comfy, not gross
5. They are champion sleepers
6. My husband is okay with date nights watching American Idol in our PJS (Vote for Casey!!)
7. God is using my family to teach me to love myself like He loves me.
8. I am becoming a stronger person everyday (see # 7)
9. I have a wonderful network of "real" women for support, advice, and drinking copious amounts of wine (Except alot of them are having babies or nursing right now...seriously girls the wine is not going to drink itself!)
10. I have a wonderful partner who suffers through the hard times right along with me, hugs me when I am hurting, and reminds me of how great life truly is.

And you know what, that second list totally kicks that first list's butt!